


The Bee's Knees

by palavapeite



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack Fic, M/M, farmer seeks wife AU, ridiculous OCs galore, take none of this seriously please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-02
Updated: 2013-06-02
Packaged: 2017-12-13 18:00:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/827192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palavapeite/pseuds/palavapeite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Gabriel cashes in a favour with his brother Sam, Dean suddenly finds himself the protagonist of the upcoming season of <i>Farmer Seeks a Wife</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bee's Knees

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nerakrose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerakrose/gifts).



> Written for [nerakrose](http://archiveofourown.org/users/nerakrose), who finished her BA paper and wanted a farmer-seeks-wife AU. And who now owes me her firstborn.
> 
> Disclaimer: I have never seen a single episode of _Farmer seeks a Wife_. All of this is completely made up and yes, I know it’s not particularly thought through in terms of showrunning. :P 
> 
> Ash’s beekeeping practices are based on those of the guy who always picks bee colonies out of our apple tree back home when they settle there. All farm-related stuff is loosely based on childhood experiences on farms near where I grew up. I don’t know jack about how to actually run a farm.
> 
> Speed-plotted and written in pretty much one go from 8pm to 2.30am. Unbetaed. You have been warned.

Beer dribbling down his chin in surprise, Dean juggled his cell phone and set his bottle down on a nearby surface, trying to keep the dog from enthusiastically licking his face dry.

“Come again?”

“ _Dean...!_ ” Sam sighed. “ _Please-_ ”

“No, I think I didn't hear you right. Down, Balthazar!” he hissed at the dog before turning back to his phone. “You have done _what_?”

“ _I'm helping Gabe out here, man! He's my friend and I kinda owe him, so... I'm sure it'll be fun! C'mon, this is your thing, right? You can get laid lots, think about it!_ ” Sam managed to sound optimistic and guilty at the same time. After a long pause during which Dean's glare did apparently not communicate successfully over the phone line, Sam quickly cleared his throat, sounding no longer remorseful, but cheerfully busy. “ _Anyway, Gabe will give you a call. I gotta go, take care!_ ”

Dean snapped out of his state of motionless terror with a blink.

“No! Wait! I don't even have enough rooms- Sam! _Sam!_ Damn it!”

~*~  
Day 1

Trying to look civil next to a animatedly blabbering Gabriel, Dean stood in front of his farm house and watched as myriads of people began to fill out of countless busses and cars, carrying television equipment while trying not to fall over the large Golden Retriever, who seemed to be terribly excited by the whole business and wagged his tail enthusiastically as he ran between everyone's legs.

“The stables are off limits; we've been through this,” Dean warned grumpily when two guys came dangerously close to where he kept the horses. “This isn't a playground, Gabe. I mean it.” 

Gabriel sighed and rolled his eyes as he called out to the men and waved them into a different direction. Dean wet his lips, casting suspicious glances at people, relieved that he'd managed to take care of farm business for the day with a little help of Bobby, who owned the adjacent farm.

“Oh, finally!” Gabe clapped his hands and nudged Dean in the hip when one last, large bus snaked its way up the driveway to the farm. “The prospective spouses!”

“Is it too late to shoot myself?” Dean replied tonelessly and Gabriel pulled a face.

“Definitely.”

“Is it too late to shoot you?”

“Oh, but Dean-o, why would you? Now smile!” He pulled a list from his pocket and cleared his throat. The doors of the bus had opened and one by one, women began to fill out. “The official introduction for the camera isn't until later, but for now, I give you: Mary-Lou from Texas; Mary-Sue from... the list doesn't actually say...; Atlanta from Atlanta, the city of creative parents; Brooke from Lawr-”

“Wait, Brooke?” Dean's eyes widened in horror when a familiar face appeared from inside the bus. “Sam's colleague, the lawyer Brooke?”

“Desperate-to-get-into-your-pants-indeed Brooke,” Gabriel winked and Dean fought the urge to strangle Gabriel before finding Sam and doing the same to him.

“Candace from Florida; barely-legal-but-eager Crystal from NYC...” Gabriel continued, “Josie from Wyoming; Annie from her Dad's farm; Maureen, fresh from the divorce court; Janelle from the Kansas City indie scene.” Gabriel concluded and folded up his list.

“Weren't there supposed to be twelve?” Dean asked, counting heads and glancing at Gabriel as if he was afraid he might save the _highlights_ for last. “That's only ten.”

“Uhm, yeah,” Gabriel muttered, narrowing his eyes. “We kinda... couldn't get enough people to sign up. 31st run of the show and it wasn't supposed to be all girls...” Dean glared at him and Gabriel moved on. “Don't worry, I got it sorted. We'll have a one-day break, for a quick recap and breather and all, and then I have... now where is- oh.” He put his hands up to his mouth. “Cas! Get your ass back in line!”

Dean watched in bewilderment how a man he'd up to this moment thought part of the TV crew turned around and shot Gabriel a murderous look before setting down his suitcase and walking towards them, shoulders tight under his trench coat.

“And to make it an even number and get at least one dude in,” Gabriel finished with a grand gesture, looking at Dean with mock pride on his face. “Castiel, from my couch.”

“Casti-?” Dean frowned. “Your _brother_? You sold your brother into your TV show?”

Castiel had stepped up to them and, after regarding Dean for a short moment, glared at Gabriel with a dark look.

“I should not be here.”

“Oh, Cas! Come on!” Gabe laughed, slapping his shoulder with a broad grin. “You'll love it. All the animals! You have a degree in zoology, right?”

“I have a degree in _molecular phylogenetics_ ,” Castiel replied through gritted teeth.

“Which has landed you on my couch for lack of employment,” Gabriel replied easily. “Which also means you're going to man up and play zoologist so I can afford keeping you on my couch a while longer.”

Castiel didn't reply for a long moment, then short Dean another look and turned around to walk back to the bus, standing a couple of feet away from the rest of the candidates, who were eyeing Dean furtively while talking among each other.

A slap on his shoulder made Dean turn back towards Gabriel.

“It's not exactly a fifty-fifty gender ratio, but he'll stir things up a bit in any case. He's... fun, really.” He paused. “In his own way. You'll see on his date day.”

“What? Date day? How...?” Dean frowned. “I thought they were all supposed to be here all the time?”

“Oh, yes,” Gabriel grinned. “Everyone will be around every day. There'll be group meals and activities. But each of them will have one day with you where you can get to know them better _individually_.”

“Great,” Dean sighed, rubbing his hand over his face.

~*~  
Day 2

“So... _Dean_.”

Walking towards the shed, Dean tried to ignore the camera team following his every step, as well as Brooke's not-so-subtle attempts to brush her hand against his backside. The extremely early hour did not seem to bother her one bit. Dean figured that as a lawyer, she was probably used to it.

“Our plan for today is to fix a piece of fence at one of the pastures,” he explained, heaping a stack of tools into her arms in order to keep her from groping him. “We have to get it done today because I need to move some of the cattle in there tomorrow.”

“We better make a thorough job of it, then,” Brooke replied with a husky voice, wetting her lips. “Hammer away at it until it's all done, right?”

Dean stared at her for a moment, then cleared his throat. It was going to be a long day.

~*~  
Day 3

“So, Mary-Lou,” Dean smiled hopefully at the girl, who beamed back at him. He patted the wooden gate between them and motioned back over his shoulder. “Just like we said, right?”

Her smile faltered a little and Dean, conscious of the camera hovering nearby, tried to sound encouraging and patient, even though his horse behind him seemed to be growing bored and tugged at the reins he held in one hand.

“The guys and I are going to drive the animals from over there into this pasture, okay? And once they're all well inside, you just move the gate shut behind us. You don't have to worry about the cows; they're too lazy to do anything other than walk, believe me.” Mary-Lou did not look comforted in the least and Dean tilted his head, putting on a charming smile. “And with Adam and Bobby and me, there's really nothing to be afraid of.”

“But those cows are gonna walk by mighty close, aren't they?” Mary-Lou asked, eyes darting past Dean at the horse. “They're so big!”

“You'll have Balthazar here and he always keeps the ladies in line,” Dean winked.

“My, I don't know...” she began and Dean heaved a deep breath.

“But last night at dinner you said you liked cattle?” he coaxed, beginning to get frustrated with the ordeal that should have taken all of ten seconds.

“Well, I like watching the rodeo back home,” Mary-Lou explained, shrugging awkwardly. “And I like burgers well enough, I guess...”

~*~  
Day 4

“That's the last one,” Josie laughed, returning with the empty wheelbarrow and setting it down next to Dean, who was stowing away their pitchforks and shovels in the shed.

“Awesome,” he replied, grinning and wiping the sweat off his forehead. “Thanks again for the help. Probably not the best date, shovelling manure...”

“Please. Nothin' different than home,” she replied as they walked out into the sunshine and back towards the stables. “And I like what you got here. It's a nice place. Solid farm, good structure.”

“Thanks,” Dean replied, gesturing her back into the stables to get the horses ready for a ride.

“I think the cattle business could use an overhaul,” Josie continued as she started brushing down Ruby, Sam's old chestnut that he hadn't ridden in years. Dean, who was about to saddle Benny, his pinto, turned his head and frowned questioningly.

“Well, you know...” Josie gestured, saddling up Ruby. “There could be better efficiency in the milking system you've got here. I know you're not primarily in the milk business, but if you shuffled around the numbers a little and installed a better machinery, perhaps...”

“I... haven't really thought about it,” Dean replied simply as they left the stables through the back and mounted. Josie pointed along the side of the cattle stables and described vague arches with her hand.

“It's really not that difficult. This bit should be expanded. You really only use the chickens for home use, right? Hardly pays off; I say save yourself the bother and just build a larger cattle complex... well, you'd have to get rid of the pigs, I guess. But that's hardly a loss if you put more focus on the milk business and maybe get some more cattle – do you breed, too? You might set it up, there's good profit there and in the long run-”

“You know, let's just ride for a while,” Dean muttered.

~*~  
Day 5

Dean figured it probably made him an ass, but he never even tried to coax Candace-from-Florida into helping with any farm-related activity, considering she seemed scared of Balthazar and hadn't brought a pair of pants along at all. She had a flat pair of shoes, though – slippers, more like – so he decided he was going to take her for a walk to one of the more remote pastures to check on the fence and get it ready for another upcoming transfer of another herd of cattle.

“The weather is really so nice!” Candace exclaimed as they walked away from the house. Dean noticed how she had brought a jacket, but left her legs completely bare under her short mini skirt. 

“I love the sun so much!”

“Yeah, it should stay this nice until we're back. It's not that long a walk,” he tried to make more conversation about the weather.

Pushing her sunglasses higher up her nose, Candace suddenly jumped and clung to Dean's arm when Balthazar dashed past them, chasing a ball that someone had thrown for him. Trying to ignore the girl's squeal when the dog came racing back, tennis ball between his teeth, Dean looked around and spotted Cas sitting under the apple tree behind the house, seemingly engrossed in a book and oblivious to the minor hysteric breakdown he had taken part in causing.

“Don't worry, Balthazar is a good dog. He doesn't harm no-one,” Dean tried to smile and Candace shook her curls, exhaling hard.

“Oh, I don't know.” She sounded spooked. “I saw him chasing the cat yesterday...”

“What cat?” Dean frowned and Candace raised her artfully curved eyebrows.

“The fluffy, black cat with tufts on the ears! It was super cute and tiny and the dog just...” she made a sweeping gesture with her hand as if to illustrate a dog chasing a cat.

“ _That_ cat,” Dean rolled his eyes. “That's Crowley. He belongs to Bobby Singer one farm over. I have Balthazar set on him because he keeps sneaking over here and scaring the crap out of the chickens.”

“But why take it out on the cat?”

Dean blinked.

“...I'm talking about the cat.” He paused, irritated. “Why would Bobby sneak over here to scare my chickens?”

“Oh. I don't know.” Candace still didn't seem very happy with the situation. Dean heaved a sigh, trying to walk a little faster despite the girl at his arm.

“So, Candace,” he began, smiling a bit stiffly. “Tell me something about yourself!”

“Well,” Candace smiled, looking flattered. “I'm a model. I know some of the girls say that I'm a stripper, but I'm really a model. It's about art, but I guess women are jealous or something because I manage to still make it hot.” Dean smiled and nodded, wishing he had brought beer. “Don't get me wrong,” Candace continued and shot him a pouty look. “I may look hot, but I'm more than that. I'm a _feminist_ , mind you. Just because I don't look like a lesbian doesn't mean I'm not emancipated and independent...!”

~*~  
Day 6

“What a _beautiful_ horse,” Atlanta breathed, stroking along Ruby's neck with a soft smile on her face. “Hello there, Ruby.”

Watching her acquaint herself with Ruby from where he sat in Benny's saddle, ready to go, Dean wondered whether this had been a good idea. When he'd heard that Atlanta had a horse herself, he'd thought a long ride was going to be an easy way of making the day pass. And it would probably look romantic on TV. Not that he cared.

Half an hour later, they were trotting slowly across an empty pasture and Dean caught Atlanta gazing into the distance, where a herd of cattle was lying around uselessly.

“They're such majestic animals,” she said, a smile in her voice and Dean tried his best not to frown.

“Yes. I enjoy working with them,” he replied neutrally and she sighed, looking directly at him.

“It must be so rewarding...” When Dean didn't reply – didn't know how to reply, if he was being honest – she continued, shaking her head, sounding lost in thought. “I mean... all of this,” - she motioned at the scenery - “You can really feel the connection, can't you? That binds you to the earth, the air, all the trees and plants and animals.”

Dean watched her close her eyes and tilt her head back.

“I've always thought this is what it's supposed to be,” she sighed wistfully. “Being one with the world and the animals around us. Equals. There shouldn't be a hierarchy. Animals are our brothers and sisters.”

Coaxing Benny into a casual canter, Dean decided not to shatter her moment of Being-One by mentioning that the hierarchy was called the food chain and that Dean himself didn't in fact live in a hippie commune of brotherhood with his animals, but contributed his amount of steak per annum on America's dinner plates.

~*~  
Day 7

Dean had gotten an early start. He'd wanted to get some farm-related business done before embarking on his last date before the mid-season break. Figuring Cas, who was today's victim, would find him once he was up and ready, Dean had called Adam over to help him fix a beam in the donkey shed. Dean really only kept one donkey because she'd been a present from Bobby, and the box and small paddock he kept the old girl in needed a makeover desperately.

When Adam left and Dean realised that it was almost noon, he frowned at his watch and groaned inwardly. Surely Cas had to be up. Dean wanted to get the filming done as soon as possible so he could still drive over to Bobby's in the evening and talk over some harvest-related things. And maybe grab a fucking beer away from the madhouse that was his farm.

The house, when he stepped inside, had been redecorated beyond recognition. Ten women, Dean figured, and a television team would do that to your childhood home. Ignoring the women sprawled across the living room and wrinkling his nose at the new sofa rug in a way the camera wouldn't catch, he walked up the stairs, checking every room and eventually finding Castiel sitting by the window in the room he shared with two guys from the filming crew.

“Did you wait for me to come get you, or what?” he asked and Castiel frowned in confusion for a moment before he seemed to catch on.

“Oh.” He shuffled in his seat, glancing out the window and closing his book. “Was that today?”

“Yeah, man,” Dean chuckled. “You actually _forgot_?”

“It must have slipped my mind,” Castiel replied evenly and Dean couldn't really blame him. They both knew they were only here because their brothers were assholes, but for the sake of television, they had to put up with at least an hour or two of filming. “I was watching the bee colony.”

“Yeah, man, it's fine, just- ...wait, what?” Dean halted, a sudden jolt of heat shooting through his body. “I don't have a bee colony.”

Cas frowned, as if he didn't understand, then motioned out the window at the apple tree.

“A swarm settled in the tree earlier this morning. It's fascinating to watch.”

“What?” A strangled croak escaped Dean's throat and he rushed to stand beside Cas and glared out at the indicated branch. Shoulders sagging, he ran a hand through his hair. “Oh man, not _again_!”

“I do not understand,” Cas muttered with a quick glance at the camera man, who hadn't stopped filming ever since Dean had entered the room. Dean was currently dialling down the list of contacts in his phone and raised it to his ear a second later.

“Ash! Your fucking bees are in my tree again! I swear, put a lid on them or something!” He paused while the man on the other end seemed to be talking. “I don't care; pick them up now. My house is full of hysteric television people...” He hung up and looked around the room. “Present company excluded.”

“I understood what you meant,” Cas offered dryly and Dean muttered a curse as he left the room to tell the girls to stay inside.

“You should stay inside too,” he told Cas when he stepped outside to stand next to Dean, who was looking at the approaching shape of Ash's truck.

“The camera man mentioned that he had not yet collected enough material for our date,” Cas explained simply. “He needs at least twenty minutes of good material. The rest he can fill up with emotional interviews, he said.”

Dean chuckled and shook his head, walking towards Ash as he climbed out of his truck, his bee-keeper hat in hand.

“What about the rest of the outfit?” Dean asked, eyeing Ash's short-sleeve shirt.

“Don't need that shit,” Ash grunted, pointing back over his shoulder. “Got a spare suit, though. Want to join me?” When Dean glared at him evenly, Ash shrugged and nodded at Cas, grinning. 

“What about you?”

“I...” Cas glanced at Dean, then narrowed his eyes at Ash. “I would like to.” When Ash gave him the thumbs up and turned to retrieve the equipment from his car, Cas leaned in to Dean and muttered. “It should be worth a couple of minutes of film material.”

“That your idea of a date?” Dean muttered back and watched Cas step into the large, white jumpsuit and put on Ash's spare bee-keeper hat. From the corner of his eye, he could see Ash disappear around the corner towards the apple tree. Dean followed.

“Yeah, give me a ladder and I should have the babies down in no time,” Ash drawled, grinning when Dean wordlessly shoved a long ladder at him and took a couple of steps back. Lighting a cigarette underneath his veil and motioning Cas to come closer, he muttered a couple of words before climbing up the ladder with a bag made of thick fabric in his hand.

When he came back down half a minute later, the bag was buzzing with the bee colony and he paused for a moment to let Cas have a look at it before closing the bag and walking up to Dean. Removing his hat, he narrowed his eyes.

“Now, the important question is,” Ash drawled, eyes darting to the windows along the side of the house, behind each of which faces were watching the scene. “Am I going to be on TV?”

“Sure you will,” Dean grunted and motioned him to get the bees away. When he turned around, he found himself face to face with Cas, still stuck inside the massive, white suit.

“I would not have guessed that you are scared of bees,” Cas said calmly and Dean smirked.

“I'm not scared of bees, man. Single bees.” He pulled a face. “A whole colony? It's called respect.”

“I wonder what it would be like to be covered in bees,” Cas mused aloud and Dean was saved an answer as Ash returned to help Cas out of his suit.

~*~  
Day 8

“Balthazar! Come here, you stupid dog!” Dean hissed into the darkness as he stumbled towards his house, still buzzed despite the long walk back from Bobby's farm. “ _Balthazar_!”

Following the dog around the corner of house, he came to an abrupt halt.

“Traitor!” he muttered at Balthazar, whose bright fur was visible underneath the apple tree, next to a similarly bright trench coat against the dark grass. Stepping closer, Dean let himself fall to the ground, spread-eagled. He shoved Balthazar's curious nose out of his face. “Hi, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean,” Cas replied and for a moment, the sound of the crickets and Balthazar slobbering all over Cas' hand were the only sounds in the quiet of the night. “How was your day?”

“We uprooted a massive fucking oak tree and cut it into pieces and nobody filmed it. I'm worn out and drunk and happy.”

“That sounds interesting. There was not much filming here, either,” Cas replied quietly. “Just a couple of interviews in the morning.”

Dean grunted a non-reply, then tilted his head to look up at Cas' sitting form.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Sitting quietly and getting drunk, mostly,” Cas answered, holding out a beer bottle Dean hadn't noticed. Dean shook his head and Castiel shrugged, taking a sip. “And waiting for the bathroom to become available.”

A sudden laugh burst out of Dean and he thought he could hear Cas chuckle.

“This was the stupidest thing my brother ever made me do,” Dean half sobbed with laughter and Cas snorted.

“Tell me about it.”

“And you know what?” Dean added, looking up at the night sky above. “Our date yesterday was the only one so far that wasn't completely horrible.”

“I couldn't have done it without the bees,” Cas chuckled, then broke off when Balthazar began to lick his face.

~*~  
Day 9

“So, you grew up on a farm, right?” Dean asked, turning his head to glance at Annie in the passenger seat. “Have you seen a lot of animals being born?”

Annie shook her head. Dean tried not to be discouraged by it. When Adam had called and told him one of Rufus' cows had given birth overnight, Dean had jumped at the chance of taking his date of the day to have a look. Since Annie had reportedly grown up and lived on her father's farm all her life, he'd figured it was a good idea.

“I see. You didn't have animals, then? Wheat and corn, or something?”

“Yes,” she muttered, looking out of the window without saying anything more.

“I don't know much about that kinda stuff,” Dean continued, smirking self-consciously. “I've always had animals, and then just a bit of corn to feed them and stuff. Bobby is the expert on agricultural things around here...”

Annie threw him a sideways glance and nodded, a reluctant smile on her face, but didn't seem to feel like replying. If Dean had hoped that a newborn calf would help her getting over her shyness, he was beginning to doubt his plan was all that foolproof.

~*~  
Day 10

“Thanks,” Dean said, glancing at Janelle. “You're kinda saving me here.”

“Hey, dude, no problem,” she replied, running her hands fondly across the Impala's upholstery as they drove to town. Dean had decided that he could leave the truck he used around the farm in the garage this time, since they weren't going to buy anything big. It also meant there was no camera team with them, for lack of space in the back seat. “This car is fucking sweet.”

“I know, right?” Dean grinned and Janelle turned on the music.

“Your cassette deck could use an update, though,” she remarked, but nodded her head to the music anyway, singing along when a song she knew came on.

“You're in a band, aren't you?” he asked and she grinned.

“Yeah. Bit more experimental than this, though. We have this whole synthesis going on, with some rock elements, but also blues and then a twist of electro...” She made a twisty movement with her hands to illustrate how complex the idea was. “It sounds really weird.”

“You any good?” he teased and she huffed.

“You bet we are, Mister! We're settling a record deal right now and if things go well, we might have a studio out in fall and start touring in November...”

She fell silent and Dean quirked an eyebrow.

“So, why exactly are you here then?” he asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Well...” She shrugged sheepishly, then sighed, looking at him sideways. “To be honest, I thought this might give us a bit of a popularity boost. Get us on the map. You know, I've been playing our music around the house and all that...” She cringed a little. “No offence, really. You're a nice enough guy.”

“Guess it could've been worse,” Dean chuckled and they continued the rest of the drive by talking about the Kansas City music scene.

~*~  
Day 11

“You know, when you grow up in New York? There's no such thing as _this_ ,” Crystal said pointedly, gesturing around her, gripping her rake tightly. “There's just no 'let's go out and fell a tree!' or 'let's go and build a shack!' or 'let's go and walk across the pastures and care for the animals!', there's just the same things every day, day after day, week after week, and it just goes on forever! I _hated_ it.”

Dean watched her tuck her hair behind her ear and get back to raking the straw, dirt and manure in the donkey paddock together, while Ellen, its inhabitant, stood a little off and watched.

“There's just people everywhere and it's always just you get out of the house and then there's traffic and public transport and more people and I thought, you know, I don't wanna do this!” She glared at Dean. “I don't wanna be a part of this... _routine_ , where I have to do things all the time, where there's just obligations wherever you look and you can't ever take a break from all of it because you'll just get overrun by how the world around you spins on.” She took a deep breath, apparently calming her rage. “So I left, you know. I don't want a life like that. I like this. I like this... freedom. You're not bound to anything here. You can just leave the house in the morning and it's an adventure, every day is something new and you never know where it will take you. You know what I mean?”

Picking up the wheelbarrow to go and empty it, Dean shrugged.

“I don't know?”

“The point is, with this life that you have, you could never grow tired of it, or fed up with it. You're so lucky, Dean...” she sighed.

“Maybe?” Dean replied evasively, wondering whether she was aware that there were at least two more wheelbarrows' worth of manure to shovel before they could call it a day. “I've never thought about it.”

“You should really count yourself lucky, Dean. I mean, you're your own master, right...”

The sound of Balthazar running his way kept him from having to pay attention to Crystal's speech of independence and the good life.

“Hey buddy, where have you been all morning, huh?”

“Hello, Dean,” Cas' voice came from beside the paddock. He glanced at Crystal, then back at Dean. “I am sorry; I did not mean to interrupt.” Dean shook his head to signal that he hadn't and Cas shuffled his feet. “Balthazar came along when I went for a walk earlier. I believe he would like to be fed now.”

“Oh, fuck,” Dean groaned, glancing at the wheelbarrow, then eyeing the dog. He grimaced at Cas apologetically. “Yeah, probably. Uhm, would you...?”

Cas nodded gravely.

“That is why I'm here.”

“Thanks, man. There's an open can of dog food in the fridge, just dump what's left of it in his food bowl and maybe nuke it for ten seconds. He throws up when he eats it straight from the fridge. And could you change his water, too?”

“Yes. I can do that.” Castiel looked at the dog. “Come, Balthazar.” He nodded at Dean before he turned to leave, Balthazar in tow, and Dean smiled a thanks at him.

When Dean returned from emptying the wheelbarrow, Crystal was beaming at him, sitting on the fence of the paddock, dangling her legs.

“See? This is what I mean. Everything is so free here. There are no chores!”

~*~  
Day 12

“Bobby, this is Maureen. Maureen, my neighbour and good friend Bobby Singer.”

“Nice to meet you,” Bobby shook Maureen's hand and saved the incredulous look for when she wasn't looking. Dean cringed. She didn't look half bad for a woman her age, but Dean couldn't help thinking that she would've made a better date for Bobby than for Dean himself. He cleared his throat.

“So what's the problem?”

“I wouldn't normally be asking, kid, you know that-,” Bobby began, then suddenly broke off and cursed as he stumbled over something small, black and furry. “Are you trying to _kill_ me? Go to hell, you stupid thing!”

“It's your cat's way of showing affection,” Dean smirked and Bobby shot him a death glare.

“He's not my cat,” he grumbled. “He just won't fucking leave and now it's like I'll just have to deal with it or what?” He nudged the cat out of the way with the tip of his shoe and shook his head, motioning to Dean and Maureen to follow him.

“As I said,” he continued, walking them to the large barn behind his house and pointed up. “Problem is the roof's leaking and I'm not sure you've heard it yet over there in TV land, but rain's supposed to hit heavy in the afternoon.”

“I've heard; I've already put my stuff inside,” Dean muttered, frowning up at the barn roof.

“So have I, but the leak's new and I'm too old to be fixin' that roof alone and in so short a time,” Bobby muttered. “So are you going to help me, or am I gonna have to call that boy Adam over?”

“Of course we'll help,” Maureen answered before Dean had the chance and so he just nodded. He opened his mouth to say something, but she cut him off. “I have fixed a roof before, you know. There's no need to mollycoddle me. Lord knows, my ex-husband never figured things were his responsibility, but hey, it teaches you to make do without a man, does it? It sure taught me.”

When Dean didn't quite know how to reply, Maureen clapped Bobby on the shoulder and shoved him towards the ladder that was already propped up against the side of the barn.

“We'll get this done in no time, Bobby!” She turned to look over her shoulder, smiling broadly. “Oh, Dean, can you get the tools?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Dean muttered under his breath, hoping the camera hadn't caught it. He wished he'd brought Balthazar along for some moral support, but he'd been unable to cajole the dog away from the game of fetch Cas didn't seem to get tired of playing with him.

~*~  
Day 13

Rain was prattling against the window and Dean sighed into his cup of coffee and glanced furtively at Mary-Sue, who sat across from him, nursing her own cup of coffee.

“Rain sucks, huh?” she asked, pulling up her shoulders and casting her eyes down. “Sun would have been so much nicer.”

“Yeah well, it can't rain all the time, right?” he joked and she laughed a little too readily, licking her lips and taking a sip of coffee. Dean was acutely irritated by how she seemed to try and hide behind her own shoulders, but it might've been just him. Maybe she had a spine condition.

“It's so strange to think that tomorrow is... well, it might be the last day,” she sighed and glanced up at Dean with a pained look in her eyes. Dean blinked.

“You like it here?” he asked, trying to remember whether he'd seen her around apart from the meals and small outdoor activities they'd all done together as a group. Granted, he'd been busy keeping his farm running, which had hardly given him occasion to be too observant of his guests unless they actively sought him out. Which none of them apart from Brooke had attempted. Dean shuddered a little. 

“Yes, it's... it's beautiful,” Mary-Sue replied quietly, turning her coffee cup between her fingers. Dean thought that the camera man probably loved her. “It's almost like...” - she laughed quietly - “I almost can't imagine leaving here. I feel so... It's like I was always meant to come here and meet you. Oh, it's ridiculous, I guess...” she added self-deprecatingly, huffing another nervous laugh.

Yes, Dean had to admit that was pretty ridiculous. He emptied his coffee and turned to look at Balthazar, who came padding into the room looking bored. The sound of the dog lapping water down his throat and probably also all over the kitchen floor was loud in the quiet room until he turned around and padded back out through the door. Dean cleared his throat, feeling suddenly very fed up with the whole game of pretend-dating.

“You know, my head doesn't feel so good,” he said, getting up. Her hesitant gaze followed him and he shrugged. “I think I'm gonna lie down and... well, tomorrow is a big day for all of us.”

“Yes,” she breathed sadly. “I guess... I guess you have to go and make your decision...”

“Yeah,” he muttered curtly as he walked across the kitchen, placing his empty cup in the sink as he went.

Leaving the crowded and redecorated living room behind after a quick glance around, Dean grabbed a couple of beers from the cellar and headed upstairs, following the faint traces of wet dog paws on the wooden floor to the last room down the hall. The branches of the apple tree outside, drooping slightly in the rain, were visible through the window when Dean gently pushed the door open.

“Dean,” Cas stated quietly from across the room, the initial annoyance leaving his face when he saw Dean had come alone. “It's you.” He was sitting on his bed, a paperback Dean recognised as one of his own open in his lap.

“Sorry,” Dean replied, standing in the door. “Should I go?”

“No,” Cas answered gruffly after a moment's hesitation. “I was just not in the mood for television today.”

“You and me both,” Dean snorted, closing the door behind him and making his way in between the makeshift field beds the television crew had brought along to accommodate everyone. He sat down next to Cas, who moved over a little and pointed at his already half empty beer when Dean offered him one of his own.

“Found the beer stash, have you?”

“I came across it when exploring the house,” Cas replied neutrally, shutting his book and nodding at it. “That too. I hope you don't mind.”

“I haven't really had time to read lately, so go ahead.”

“Yes. I forgot you have been actively pursuing the prospect of wedded life.”

“Dude,” Dean snorted and took a long sip from his bottle before running a hand through his hair. “If anything, those were probably the two worst weeks of my life. No offence.”

“None taken.” Cas turned his beer in his hand and raised his bottle, halting as if a thought occurred to him. “You know, when he bullied me into this, I asked Gabriel whether the show format actually works,” he mused, lips against the opening of his bottle. A smirk appeared on his face and he glanced at Dean. “I think I know what he meant by 'none of them still seek a wife by the end of the programme'...”

“Oh god, and to think that I have to actually pick a winner to stick around for another two weeks,” Dean groaned, hiding his head in his hands. “I've got shit to do, dude, I can't fucking babysit a guest all the time...”

“A couple of them would probably help you,” Cas offered and Dean sighed.

“Josie would tear down my stables and sell half my livestock overnight and Maureen would have me do the dishes while asserting her independence... Atlanta-”

“Would have a teary breakdown when it occurs to her that all of your cows do not live happily ever after on your farm,” Cas muttered and Dean burst out a dry laugh.

“I thought I was going to fall off my fucking horse, you know that? Jesus.” He emptied his beer bottle and opened another one. “I mean, what do they even think they're doing here?” He frowned at Cas. “What are they even _doing_ all day long?”

“Giving interviews. I don't actually know,” Cas replied slowly. “I have been keeping to myself. I do not like to talk about my hopes and expectations on camera.” He paused. “Mostly because I didn't really have either at any point during this show.”

“Well, you made one friend,” Dean nodded at Balthazar, who had half climbed into Cas' lap and was nudging his hand with his nose whenever he dared to stop scratching behind his ears.

“I made thousands of friends the other day before you had them removed by a crazy man,” Cas grunted darkly, narrowing his eyes as he emptied his beer and Dean chuckled.

“And how many of them would you have dissected on the windowsill given half the chance?”

“That's really not how my job works, Dean,” Cas laughed, putting his bottle aside and sneaking away one of Dean's.

“I'm glad,” Dean replied dryly, only pretending to be affronted by Cas' forwardness in taking his beer. “When you came back from your long walk the other day I was afraid I was gonna have to count the cows...”

“You'd never manage to pin it on me,” Cas said grimly, his eyes sparkling with cheek. He tapped his finger on the cover of the crime novel he was reading. “I have learned all about life on the twisted side of humanity.”

Dean grinned and for a moment, they sat in companionable silence.

“So you've hijacked my beer, my books and my dog,” Dean chuckled eventually and patted Balthazar's head. The dog gave a disapproving huff and licked his snout.

“I like your dog,” Cas smiled, then smirked. “Your taste in books I'm not so sure about. The beer...”

“Now tread carefully,” Dean warned and Cas chuckled.

“I'm still drinking it, aren't I?”

“I have noticed, yes.” Dean tried to sound stern and disapproving, but he knew Cas wasn't falling for it. Leaning his head back against the wall, Dean closed his eyes, absent-mindedly running his hand across Balthazar's fur. A small jolt ran through his head when his fingers brushed against Cas' for a moment. Moving them away again, Dean tried to appear casual. Cas didn't say anything.

Their fingers touched again.

And again.

“If I asked you to stay, would you want to?” Dean said quietly, eyes still closed, the tip of his ring finger resting against some part of Cas' hand, that gave a small twitch. “I mean, for two weeks, instead of going back to Gabe's couch right away...”, he added, perhaps too hastily for his pride not to flinch a bit, but he refused to linger on it. Preening his eyes open a little, he cast a sideways glance at Cas.

Cas' eyes were closed and his features calm. The corners of his lips twitched and he blindly folded two of his fingers over Dean's.

“Yes,” he replied. “Yes, I would.”


End file.
